This is a post that delves into my private and personal reflections, stirred by the solemn moments spent at my parents’ graves. I was overcome with emotion as I reflected upon the pictures of my parents’ final resting place on my phone. In some way, I felt I needed to keep looking at the pictures so that I could once again feel their presence, hear their voices, and gaze at their presence at home as they went about their work. I felt a sense of peace and sadness that I still cannot put in words. I am grateful for the time I had with my parents and the memories we shared.
Alfateha. Kahar Bin Kijo
Alfateha Hajjah Hamidah Binte Masagos Omar
My profound loss of my father haunted me for many years, only becoming evident when I became doubtful, discouraged, and self-conscious. My education, love, and business failures weighed heavily on me, each task and action tinged with grief. Seeking my own redemption, I traversed the path of personal development alongside mentors, coaches, and trainers. As I pursued this goal, I craved the guidance only a father could provide. Despite investing considerable resources, both financial and time, I remained unfulfilled.
Around 2015, I discovered the transformative power of public speaking, a skill I had honed since my first appearance on a school stage at age 12. I vividly remember how I plucked up the courage to attend a meeting at the Singapore Chinese Chamber of Commerce Mandarin Toastmasters Club. My goal was to reimmerse myself in Mandarin. Considering how challenging and arduous the task would be, it wasn’t something I would have done. It seemed to me that if I didn’t take the plunge, I would remain unfulfilled.
If I could only stand before an audience and share stories about how I developed into a multilingual individual, perhaps I would believe in myself again. Indeed, grief left an indelible mark, lifting my spirits. In many ways, I believe that each speech, meticulously crafted, rehearsed, and presented, evoked the same feeling of connection my late father felt when he saw me make my acting debut on Chinese TV.
As I stood at the pinnacle of my achievements, elected as President and achieving Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM) status, I invited the entire family to witness the installation ceremony. My mother, seated in her wheelchair, received my best, embodying the daughter she knew who loved speaking Mandarin. I felt her presence then, as I feel it now.
While I grieve my father’s passing, I prefer to celebrate my mother’s remarkable life. Mum had been a widow for more than 30 years. She epitomized devotion, faith, and unconditional loyalty in her roles as a mother, wife, and daughter. I celebrated the extraordinary journey of this woman in one of my speeches, weeks before she left us.
They were two distinct individuals, showering love in their own respectable and honourable ways. Likewise, our legacy will be remembered for the accomplishments and endeavors yet to unfold. We must embrace this fact.
My Family
Our children interpret and feel about us in the same way as we form impressions about our parents. So as we watch and celebrate our children’s growth and development, we must also allow them to form impressions about their adult caregivers because what parents leave behind is how these children will eventually use or adopt to move them forward in love, life, business and careers.
