Parenting does not come with an instruction manual. We learn to figure out how to solve everyday problems, engage with our children and learn all about relationships on our own. That is the truth. If we have all the answers to our issues, we are not living. Life is simple. You have the opportunity to make good of everything you can learn and earn before you leave this place. However, there is no instruction manual.
Analogy: The Singer Sewing Machine
Things that parents pass on don’t come with instruction manuals because these things are antique. I have mum’s 33 year old sewing machine from Singer. I know she has said many things about using the machine, like making sure it is kept lubricated at all times because it is, after all, a machine. Thanks to the internet, I can look up for this tiny detail. How to fix the needle. The flat side facing backwards. Haha!
The problem that students are facing is that they cannot express their feelings readily. Maybe they aren’t allowed to explore their feelings from young. I’m disappointed by parents who think feelings can be taught by spelling, writing and reading books.
Feeling is not taught by reading the meaning of the word given to describe it. We call it the adjective. You have to have the depth of knowledge, experience and a level of maturity to fully understand its meaning.
Do you know the difference between trauma and phobia? Or apprehension and anxiety? Or shame and guilt? My point exactly. If you cannot know these differences, how do we teach our kids?
So if your child cannot describe feelings, it’s understandable. You simply cannot teach a child to feel just because you have a word to describe it.
Insights From Our Respected Members Of iPostForParents Group On Facebook
Parents needs to open up and not ask the child to level up … we simply need to try and listen … I have 3 children with different personalities and at times I do wonder if I have done enough to listen to them. They may be very vocal but reserved in sharing what they feel and this is worrying. Talking and finding out how they feel is not that simple. But I am always open to listen to my children …
Your child knows how to feel, we all know how to feel, but naming the feeling is what you learn.
Children need to be encouraged to describe what they are feeling.
Affirm that every feeling is important. It is not to judge the feeling to avoid it or deny it.
And this is like learning to feel, because when children learn to deny their feelings, it is like they learn not to feel.
But this is not really the case.
Children are not meant to experience trauma, or sexual feelings, and when they do, that part of themselves isolates.
The child is not capable of assimilating the difficult feelings.
The inner child continues to feel the bad feelings, and the growing person is cut of from the inner child.
This is a survival mechanism.
Healing this is difficult. It is very important.
Difficult feelings are part of life. Even for a baby.
The newborn establishes a belief which sets up a pattern for the whole of his / her life, until the pattern is realized and changed.
The best way to be is to ask questions like “how are you feeling right now?” And never judge the feeling.
“Tell me more about that?”
As parent and child, try to spend time in the present. Alert.
Feel a sense of being and enjoyment of being with your child.
Accepting however it is.
Trauma is a serious physical injury or shock to the body, or a mental shock or injury which causes lasting psychological damage and on the other hand..Phobia is a psychological condition; an anxiety disorder. It literally means a fear of something. A phobia might have no identifiable origin, or it might be caused by conditioning, or discernible trauma.
Shame vs guilt – Although many people use these two words interchangeably, from a psychological perspective, they actually refer to different experiences. Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self, guilt to others.
Apprehension vs Anxiety – Apprehension is anticipation of adversity or misfortune; suspicion or fear of future trouble or evil whereas anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
This is sooooo true……….
Sadly many parents feel emotional and feelings are not important.
Wrong parents essential to deal with life.
If your children do not have E I they have no life skills..and how to deal with excitement or failureIf you understand your personality type it gives us all a better opportunity to understand our child.